However, if it turns out to be more then a common cold...

Well I had been wondering what would be next in this whole journey. In my last post I talked confidently about my common cold. I was lovingly castigated by someone close to me for making an assumption like I did when I didn't have any medical testing done. Well, my doctor wanted to be cautious and so he scheduled a test. Lo and behold I came back positive for covid. Now whether the cold weakened my system so that I came down with covid or if it was covid all along who knows. I did think in a rather perverse kind of way how funny it would be if after all of the concerns about surviving two cancers I ended up dying of covid. While I am not intending on dying from this just now, I do feel pretty roughed up. Except for my chest, breathing, tiredness, and chills I am fine And I feel exhausted all the time. But on Monday the doctor has me scheduled for a special infusion procedure; one hour being on an IV line receiving antibodies and then two hours of observation making sure I respond well to all of that. That is the same treatment President Trump received and my doctor is anticipating as dramatic results for me. Karen has also been tested today and hopefully we will have results back by Sunday. The bigger issues are involved with our grandchildren who Karen has been caring for. Now there's issues of them being quarantined and missing school. It is hard for Karen too as we had lots of activities with friends scheduled and now, they are all cancelled. She is such a gem in her loving and sacrificial care for me.

We had a pleasant phone call from a friend we had made 20 some years ago. He is of African background and so brought a different perspective 2 all the accumulation of illness. He is in the medical field and observed that while one cancer is normal, two cancers are highly unusual, and now with covid it seems like maybe something else is at play. He reflected that the work we are doing is important and has been blessed by God and it could not make the enemy happy. So, he was looking at these accumulated medical issues as perhaps attacks from the enemy. I am not usually inclined to think like that, but it did seem that he might have a point. If this is the case. the good news is that what we are doing is important enough to get the enemy worried and that there is the potential for even greater blessings accomplishments. We just have to survive these present difficulties.

As we go through all this we are finding your friendships so precious and are so glad that in Jesus we have a sure and certain hope. Talking on the phone is difficult so we would appreciate your texting or emails. Thanks 

 one good thing about the common cold, you feel so much better when you recover

I have often thought about writing another post sooner, but I went and caught a common cold. I thoroughly checked to make sure the symptoms were that of a cold and not of covid, the flu, or some other dread disease. Although it has been a battle and took a lot out of me. I mentioned to a friend about the cold and he sympathized with me about the tough breaks I was having. I was able to honestly respond ‘thanks but I have the biggest break of all in knowing God and being able to trust in His purposes’.  In our reading this morning we came to Job 2:10 ‘Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?’. I was challenged because it is so easy to accept all of the really nice things that God has done and sometimes in the face of difficulties, I get concerned about the hardship of maybe being deprived of some of them and I do not think about all the horrible things He has delivered me from.

After Karen read my last blog post we talked about death. Not morbidly but realistically and supportively. Having wills and final plans takes on a whole new perspective now. I need to be ready to live and ready to die. That is so true when you are 70 and have cancer. But you know it is also true if you are 70 and you are healthy or 60 or 30.

It is nice to have these little physical reminders about why it is good to remember memories, be thankful, express appreciation to the wonderful woman who stood by my side through so many things, and even to give freedom for her to remarry if I am not around any longer. Also, there are a lot of other practical steps that now become important. Karen had often wanted to be brought into the bill paying details. That was difficult because everything is done on computer and she is not known for her compatibility with computers. But she now has her own checking account and list of bills that she is paying. In addition, I have listed all the bills paid by direct debit, important websites, passwords, and made a video catalog of rugs, paintings, and other collectables with advice on what to do with them. I also assured her there was nothing on my computer I was ashamed for her to see. If that is something you could not say to your spouse right now, I urge you to make it so. It will spare them pain from discovering it, it is not profitable for your walk with God, and it is an impediment to closeness and openness with your spouse.

I am feeling much recovered from the cold. But I still am very weak, and I am afraid that the cancer fog shows up a little bit. So, I apologize for any grammatical errors, spelling mistakes etc. Typing skills are not the best right now, so I have dictated it and tried to proofread to make some sense.

The Doctors are Back

 

December and the first three days of January were very relaxed as far as medical procedures go. Not a single blood test, surgical procedure, or even a doctor's visit. If it were not for all the little things like getting up at 2:30 in the morning for medicine, a confusing mass of pills during the day, headaches, hot flashes, joint pain, tiredness, wrestling with weight gain, and a few other little side effects I would have forgotten that I had these cancers.  But alas, these past five days have seen a number of calls from the nurse who facilitates all the indignities done to cancer patients. Setting up appointments, changing appointments, talking about treatment options, and reminding me of 8 blood tests to be done Next Monday, a doctor's appointment the following week, more blood tests and an EKG on the 1st of February, a small surgical procedure on the 9th, preliminary radiation consultation on the 16th, and just for something different a visit to the dermatologist to see if any skin cancers have returned. Well looking at my calendar is kind of a graphic reminder that I am battling cancer. At least so far while there have been some tough skirmishes, I am still winning the battle. One thing I am wrestling with is whether to continue one type of treatment. Statistically, if I continue for another 1 ¾ years it will possibly extend the success of the treatment up through my early eighties. I have asked if they would give a written, money back guarantee to me for that, but no one has been willing. But the side effects really make life difficult and have some permanent, less then positive effects. Maybe it is pride that I do not want to exist with limited capabilities and embarrassing physical problems, maybe it is cowardice that I do not want to face the difficulties, or maybe I just do not want to play the odds and would like to make my remaining years productive and enjoyable even if that means possibly shorter in duration. Fortunately I have until May to make that decision.

One of the things Karen and I started to do was to organize our photos. We had 47 years of photos covering 27 different countries plus a lifetime of our family in albums, boxes, envelopes, and other places. Then there were also all the family pictures from generations past. So, we set out digitizing everything. A lot of photos can be sent off to be professionally scanned for us. But a lot of the odd sized or photos with glue on them or large ones cannot go out to be done so I am doing them on our scanner. To say that the activity is tedious is an understatement. However, I think these hours have been some of the most meaningful and exciting times I have spent recently. As I have worked through them, I've been reminded of activities like mission strips where we experienced a different type of life and met believers whose culture and affluence were so different than ours in America, but often whose faith was so much stronger and real to them. There were family trips to visit missionaries and explore family heritage where we learned so much about each other and about our families. It was exciting to see how God had been involved in the lives of those in previous generations. Seeing family and friends at so many different stages of their lives reminded us of God's faithfulness and blessing through all the years. I probably could have worked faster if I had not spent time reminiscing and praying for old friends as I saw their faces once again. It was a really good time.

As I go through a lot of the annoying side effects of my treatments God gives me these little reminders that it is not all about me. I was lamenting to a friend how inconvenient hot flashes were at night. The problem is I get all cozy under layers of covers because we keep our room a little cool, and then I get a hot flash, so I toss the covers off, but sometimes I fall asleep before the hot flash is over. Now I am sound asleep with no hot flash but also with no covers and I wake up really cold and uncomfortable. After I related these monumental struggles to my friend and was expecting comfort, pity, and encouragement for my steadfastness in the midst of these great difficulties; she took the wind out of my sails by saying ‘so what's the big deal, I thought you had something important to say, we women have been going through this for years ‘. So, it was either a rebuke for my self-centeredness or a learning experience to be more sensitive to others and look beyond my own discomfort.

I think I am almost up to date in responding to emails and phone calls. With the renewal of all this medical stuff I am anticipating that cancer fog might become more of a factor. So, I beg your indulgence if I am slow in responding to communications from you. Your contact does mean a lot and while I might not respond in writing or calling right away, I am responding in my heart with thankfulness and appreciation for your concern.